Rodney Yasushi Horikawa
My dear friend, Pamela Katherine Gorman Hecht, from many years ago unexpectedly passed away.
In the early 70’s as an undergraduate at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, I remember one day I had returned back to the dorms from campus in a somewhat foul mood. Maybe I had not done as well on a quiz as I should have… Maybe I had responded with something so completely inane when asked what I thought about a passage in an assigned reading (which I hadn’t read) that my professor promptly dismissed me out of hand with nothing more than a contemptuous grimace …
My dorm room was a popular hangout because my roommate had a great stereo system. It was common for folks to bring over a record that they owned and whenever there was an opening anyone really was free to put a record of their choice on the turntable. So I am sitting there stewing in my own small crockpot of self-pity when “T” comes in with an album he had brought with him just the night before. I greeted him as he sat next to me on the floor with an unnecessarily crappy remark: “What?! That album again?!” Shortly thereafter, Pam who had been sitting behind me on the bed announced that she had to complete an assignment for her early morning class and with that bid everyone a good night. Then she leaned forward and whispered, “R” walk me down to my room. I’ve been meaning to pass on a book to you.” As we were heading down the hallway towards the central staircase, Pam says in very gentle and quiet manner, “What you said to “T”, did that make him a better person? …. Did it make our world a better place? …Did it make the universe within you that I dig so much a better place?”
After splashing some cold water on my face in the bathroom sink, I remember catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I returned to where I was sitting next to “T”. Like a tea bag, the questions Pam posed to me steeped within me along with that image I glimpsed of myself in the mirror … Later in the evening when a new record needed to be put on, I reached for the album that “T” had stashed behind him. l remember leaning back, closing my eyes and grooving to that great album… and to “T”, my good friend. When “T” left to retire back to his room shortly thereafter he stuck his hand out and we gave each other a slap five goodnight.
As a long time, now retired, educator, it was my standard practice that if I needed to call out a student on her or his classroom behavior my first preference was to do this privately, off to the side, quietly and gently – no lecture but only with the pass on of the self-reflective questions Pam gifted me with many years ago. Of course, there were times when I felt a student’s behavior was so inappropriate and egregious that an immediate and strong public reprimand was unavoidable. With that, however, as an educator, I know I have paid a price for this kind of incompetence on my part: I have never had a student whom I called out forcefully in public contact me years later with expressions of gratitude and appreciation. In contrast, I have had many former students over the years reach out to me to express thanks for the way I was able to hold a mirror of self-reflection up for them with such “simple’ but transformative questions . And, to the person they have said this has now become their standard practice in their own interactions with people - their students and especially their own children. Such is just one of many, examples of the enduring legacy of a dear friend from many years ago and the quiet but profound impact she had on the universe.