John Hoffpauer
Rieves was a good man, a loving husband and father, and a successful businessman. He was an extrovert and a natural salesman, although his feelings could easily get hurt. His personal struggle for acceptance, affection and the respect of others fed his self-esteem. In short, he needed to interact. The tension inherent in his business and personal relations and his dependence on others for self-esteem led to disappointments, frustration, explosive anger and the unconscious invalidation of others. However, he was never mean spirited and would apologize after regaining his composure. Perhaps, if he had chosen some other occupation he might have avoided the frequent pain of rejection when failing to make a sale. However, it was his determination to avoid rejection that made him such a good salesman. The pain he experienced personally also made him empathetic to the suffering of others, although he was clearly intolerant of cry-babies and admired those that suffered silently and without complaint. Rieves adored Dorislee and he often expressed how very lucky he was to have met and married her.. He also loved me and my four brothers. As the head of the family, he was usually fair, firm and hated to punish anyone. However, the stress in his life frequently made him difficult to be around due to his explosive temper and other invalidating actions that at times separated him from his brother Ben, his daughter-in-law Cyndi, and of course his sons. Despite his sensitive and demanding nature, his sons all loved him, knew he loved us, and we will all miss him until we too leave this life. I personally have forgiven his every offense and am truly sorry for all my real and perceived transgressions and any actions that may have disappointed him, hurt his feelings or added stress to his already stressful life. Although I have many regrets in our relationship, we both loved and respected each other, and I will always be proud and grateful to be his son. John Riley