Terialyn Stanley Denmon
Gran Gran,
We had a Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now approaching New Year's without you here physically. However, I feel you here more now than I have all year long. You started with playing with CJ, he'd laugh all day and in his sleep....I'm talking BIG SCREAMS of laughter. Then, the lights in your room that haven't worked since I was a teen (I refuse to disclose the amount of years, let's just say a lot) started working out of the blue. They are still currently working and when I feel the need to cry for you or I'm at my weakest, they flicker. Next, my favorite.... pennies. Pennies will show up everywhere, sometimes dimes. I pictured you telling me, "Crazy girl, pick that up. A penny is money. It can be used just like a $100." The one that I don't care for, removing things out of the blue (I lose things for days....my cell ph9ne has been months) they just disappear, dreams, smells, and just plain ol' walking right bold in front of me.
Yesterday night, I was hurting and couldn't walk good. I got up to use the restroom, CJ was sleeping, snoring deeply. It took me some time to make it to the bathroom. Before I could get to the den, there you went walking normal focusing straight ahead but not looking at me. I stepped back to let you go by, and used the restroom. I didn't think anything of it because that was common for us. I guess in the middle of my zombie state, I forgot you were gone. However, as I made it back in the room, CJ was standing holding the rail of his bed. He looked at me and asked, "Where's Gran Gran?" It was as if you had been to see him and spoke, then walked out, and he was looking for another interaction. I knew then, every time I feel you, you are here. When Grand Dad died, I was devastated. I was selfishly angry when you told him you'd be with him soon. I knew your heart was with Grand Dad. When you died, I didn't take it as hard. I haven't been able to visit your grave site as I did his, but I think I was able to digest your passing a little better because you prepared me. It brought me peace to know you would get to be with 2 of the 3 men your heart beat for, God and Grand Dad. We still have Uncle Del, but I know he probably feels you just as much as we do. Gran Gran, thank you for being the model of elegance, strength, the prototype of loving your neighbor as you love yourself, and teaching us how to project your voice but in a caring reassuring way. You never used your power, your money, your influence, your help, to hang over others heads....you never burdened others with self acclamation. There are things you've done for me and others that you took with you. The bond you built was so deep and strong that not even death ends it, but strengthens it. My theory is that I must have been loving on an angel because your presence never dims. I love you, my Gran Grana, always have, always will. Stay with me. Don't give up on me and when I'm 107 (lol), I'll meet you and the crew at that river you told me about. All of our family should meet there when we crossover. Ask God can He finalize that 107, please. (Unless He comes back before I'm 107, then of course, "My Lord take me with You"lol) Mama says I can't leave my heathens with her, so I need to be here to see my great, great, grands.
I love you, Baby.
I'm wearing your robe. You're right, it's warm.
Do you see us acting a fool without yall? You guys babied us even as grown adults. Now we don't know how to function without you.
Now have you called Grand Dad a meat-head? Ha!
Tutu
